“Your Feelings Don’t Matter”


Before you read this, you should know I am the ULTIMATE, emotional feeler. That is why I’m writing this post. My dear husband is pretty much the opposite from me in every way [for those of you into Myer-Briggs, I’m and ENFP and he’s an ISTJ… I mean, c’mon!]

We were getting ready for bed a few nights ago, and as I peeled off my snot covered shirt [courtesy of the sick baby] and my 2 day old XL pajama pants, my husband looked up from his book and said “You’re so beautiful.” If i were a good wife, I would have cherished the compliment, rolled over and gone to sleep. Instead I tried to refute it. “I’m enormously pregnant, these stretch marks are driving me crazy… and well —  I just don’t FEEL beautiful!” Some times, my husband [knowing what a delicate emotional flower that I am] is very gentle in his responses to me. This was not one of those times. He set his book down, sat up and said “Your feelings don’t matter. You’ve pretty much never “felt” beautiful in the entire time that I’ve known you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m attracted to you. I MADE 2 BABIES WITH YOU. Some women FEEL like men, that doesn’t change the fact that they have a female anatomy!” Before you grab your pitchfork, that last comment was not to hate on transgendered people, ok? The main point Hubs was getting at was: How you “feel” doesn’t dictate the reality of what you are.

I never feel like a good enough mother.
I never feel like a good enough wife.
I never feel beautiful.
I never feel at home in Ohio.

I let a lot of these feelings rule my life some times. Of course emotions are important, and I think it is equally important to communicate how you feel to people, especially a spouse. However, I also needed the reminder to step back, and separate how I feel and perceive things and compare that to the reality around me.

So next time your spouse says something that feels like a white hot iron being dug into your heart, try to hear them out. It may give you an encouraging, fresh perspective.

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