Like I mentioned on Friday, my brother is leaving today which has left me feeling a little empty. In addition, I’ve had this crippling anxiety about becoming a mom of 2, as well as stress about this house hunting business. It’s hardly like we’re packing up boxes and beginning the process of moving, but I’m still overwhelmed by the work that goes into being a first time home buyer.
Sophie is still working off the tail end of a cold she’s had for 3 weeks now. That by itself is enough to be exhausting, but taking into account the increase of contractions I’ve been having lately, I’m dealing with physical stress on top of the emotional stress. I’m not meaning to make this post a total whine-fest, but I have to be honest… this is an update, afterall.
Mostly I’ve been feeling guilt. When I was pregnant with Sophie, there was so much excitement surrounding her birth. Everyone wanted to touch my belly for a chance to feel her kicking, and besides comments about my size, this bump has all but gone unnoticed. I had months to carefully craft a gorgeous nursery for Sophie, while this baby got a cradle set up next to my bed, and that’s it. I believe every new life is unique and precious, which is why I have much guilt about the lack of reverence I’ve given my second child. Some of it has to do with circumstance in that, we don’t want to set up a beautiful nursery in our current home that we will be having to move out of… but talking with other moms of multiples, we all feel the guilt of our other children feeling like afterthoughts.
So pray for me, dear readers, as I wrestle with these thoughts over the next few weeks.