If babies could be manic depressive, that’s what Cora would be. Her 3 moods involve screaming melt downs, emotionless stares before eventually sleeping, and hyperactive kicking while smiling. Of course the happiest of those moods is the rarest, which has made her entrance into our family difficult. To be frank, I’ve had a hard time bonding with her because half the time I’m just as mad as she is during those colicky fits of screaming, and would love nothing more than to drop her back off at the hospital. It may sound cruel to you, but for any one who has had a baby with persistent colic, these feeling are quite normal.
Of course the mom guilt sinks in the moment she settles down and transitions into one of her smiley moods. Some times I think, She’s my baby, I love her, how was I ever mad at her? But then I remember 5 minutes later when she is inconsolably screaming again. I’ve cut out dairy, eggs, soy, shellfish, gluten, peanuts, and now raw vegetables. Desperate to help her in anyway I can, I’ve cut out what used to be the majority of the foods in my diet to help Cora, but it hasn’t seemed to make much of a difference. It seems hopeless….
…at least for now. The pediatrician, as well as other veteran moms, have told me that this doesn’t last more than 4 months, which means we’re already halfway through the hardest part! I know I may come off as cold and distant when I talk about Cora, and in some ways I do feel distant from her. It makes me sad to think that this newborn stage was my favorite part of Sophie’s infancy and possibly the most irritating part about my time with Cora. I have to remind myself though, that I DO actually love her. It may not *feel* like love all the time, it may not console me like emotional love would, but the love I have for my child is protective and strong. I try to calm her when she’s upset, I give up eating most foods just at the possibility that it may help her, I pray for her, I clothe her, I’m constantly making sure she’s safe, and I’ve fostered a loving relationship for Sophie with her. Recalling these things reminds me that just because the love feels different doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Plus, every time we lock eyes and she flashes me a big smile, I feel a glimpse of that traditional “warm fuzzy” love that I used to have with Sophie. Lucky for me, the ore time passes, the less colic she seems to be suffering, and the more smiles I get!
Now. in terms of milestones Cora is incredibly strong! Even from her first week of life she has been picking up her head and moving it from side to side. Now, at the 2 month mark, she has even more control than before. She responds to light and sound, and has began cooing back when you make noises at her. She loves attention, to be admired and talked to. Her smiley eye contact is by far, her most endearing trait. Her screaming is perhaps the most… sanctifying? Even though she’s a tough cookie, I love her to death and love watching her grow and become a bigger part of our family.
And that’s Cora at 2 months!