25

Citrus-Cake-From-Lauren-Conrads-LC-Celebrate

I remember joking a year ago that I was on schedule for my quarter life crisis, as I passed 24 and was heading for 25. It was just that: a joke. I have my “career” figured out for the time being, I have a wonderful husband, my fertility clock isn’t ticking as I already have 2 beautiful children, and to top it all off, we just purchased our first home. To any one else my age, it appears I have everything handled.

In a lot of ways I do, but just like your average human person, in a lot of ways I don’t. I had a pretty extensive self-knowledge when I got married. I knew who I was and what I needed to feel happy and fulfilled. I was active, working toward my degree, and I knew I would get married and start a family. At 25 my degree has long since been finished, the wedding is over, and I stopped being active during my first pregnancy. I still felt utterly fulfilled through the vocation of motherhood. Everyday had its frustrations, but I knew what to expect from Sophie, and I truly felt in control and in my element when it came to raising our daughter. Flash forward to Cora’s entrance, and any confidence I had in my ability to mother has completely gone to hell. I find myself in 24 years worth of ashes, wondering if I have the ability to rise and emerge into year 25.

It has been a difficult season in my life. I recently wrote that I am on a journey to find myself again, and I don’t care how cliche it sounds, because that is exactly what I am doing. I am on a journey of healing, rediscovery, and love. I am just thankful that I have my best friends [J and the girls] at my side, helping me navigate this new era in my life.

 

{image source: LaurenConrad.com}

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