Are we really here? Did we actually make it? There were some days that I honestly wasn’t sure if Cora and I would make it to the 1 year mark. Maybe that sounds dramatic to some of you, but as some one who has sincerely, and painfully, struggled with postpartum depression and anxiety, these fear felt very real to me.
Cora is such a bright and happy soul. Her smile lights up a room and she ignites every one with her same energy. She loves to crawl and climb, though, she still isn’t showing many signs of walking. As you can see, she still clings to her pacifier every once in awhile, only before or right after bed time. Her petite frame has her, only now, fitting into 12 month old clothes.
Although Sophie’s curly hair is tough to rival, Cora is beginning to get some frizzy curls in the back of her head. Who knows if they will expand into the afro Sophie currently has, but for right now, it is her own unique style. She is extremely expressive. Every moment of sadness is a Shakespearean tragedy, and every silly moment is an upbeat, happy musical. This can make the days exhausting, but overall, I feel that I have explored the depths and heights of human emotion with her.
My mom and brother are coming out for her party next week (Daniel Tiger themed) but for now, I am just trying to soak in the fact that we made it.
This year, we have been hit harder with illness more than any other year. It kind of baffles me as I am home bound most of the time, compared to my college days when I had to mingle with hundreds of my peers every day. We’ve had regular colds, stomach viruses and now the flu.
I’ve been open about my struggles with mental illness on this blog, and I have to say, being sick is a huge trigger for me. Even when we’re sick, parents still have a responsibility to take take of their kids. This week has been reminiscent of when I brought Cora home from the hospital. Even though my body has been specifically designed to bare and give birth to children, it’s still incredibly painful and takes weeks of healing. Yet, we’re still expected to give around the clock care to a brand new human. It is both beautiful and infuriating.
Who wipes my nose? Brings me medicine? Makes sure I’m hydrated and getting enough rest? Well, no one. In fact, I don’t even check in with MYSELF often enough to ask those questions because I am so busy caring for 2 sick children. It’s not only frustrating to not be able to think of yourself and your own needs, its frustrating because your inability to care for yourself only worsens your condition, and ultimately makes it harder for you to do your duty as a parent.
I’m also short on help. Who wants to babysit 2 sick kids and risk getting sick them self? And even if I have a babysitter, I also cannot go out and do some thing for myself because I am also sick. Less energy and less help make for an incredibly difficult and trying time. Luckily, I have amazing in-laws who care about my mental and physical health enough to swoop in and care for the kids. For that, I am eternally grateful.
Really, I have nothing else to write about as this season of sickness has been on my mind, pretty much all week. The only thing I can do is beg you to pray for our healing, and fantasize about when we will be healthy again.
Valentine’s Day was always a major holiday in my family. My mom would wake up extra early to make us a special breakfast, and she would usually make us little gift bags with either our favorite candy or a toy we wanted. She highlighted that no matter what our daily struggles as a family were, she loved us regardless. As we got older we started extending this same charity to our friends, boyfriends, and girlfriends. Now, I try to do some thing special for my family.
This year, it turns out we’re all sick. Sophie is the sickest and while thatwould typically make me the most sympathetic toward her, she is unusually sassy. I know it is most likely because she’s not feeling well, but for some reason my reactions don’t reflect that knowledge. Every time she snaps at me, I snap back. We’ve apologized to each other multiple times already, and I’m hoping Valentine’s day will be a good day for more love and reconciliation.
Some day I hope to explain to my kids that Catholicism behind Valentine’s day. St. Valentine was a martyr who was beheaded because of his Catholic faith. We recognize both his martyrdom, Jesus’ own suffering, and the love of all martyrs, who preferred to be killed rather than stop loving Jesus. Even though Valentine’s day gets a bad rep for being superficial, it actually does contain and preach the true meaning of love: suffering. However, I am dealing with a toddler and baby, so we will probably just stick to the Daniel Tiger-esque “Love Day” type of celebration (you know, “Ugga Mugga” and all that…)
Either way, I am excited and feeling the weight of my responsibility to teach my children how to love others. Hopefully my example will speak for itself! I hope you all take time to express love and gratitude for the people in your life who support you and are always there for you.
[My mom still celebrates with us. She sent us a care package with the ingredients to make these adorable love themed cupcakes!]
I am Catholic, and I don’t say that to alienate anyone in the audience, but I had an encounter earlier this week where 2 individuals were in deep theological discussion of that Churches canon law because of a simple question: I’m leaving for vacation on a Sunday, can I miss mass?
I pointed out to these people that perhaps they were being over scrupulous, and that we should look at the intention of missing mass. The person didn’t *want* to miss mass, but was leaving at a time that would impede her from being able to go to mass. Surely, God will show mercy to some one who doesn’t want to miss church, but does. They questioned my integrity and told me that I was cynical and imprudent for calling them scrupulous. Ok, I thought, to each their own! And went on my merry way.
The point it this: I didn’t let their criticism shake my personal beliefs in God’s mercy. I didn’t begin to question what kind of Christian I am after this encounter. So why do I feel so shaken when some one criticizes my parenting choices? I mean, these people called my own integrity into question and I just let it roll off me. Why then, am I so scrupulous when it comes to every decision I make as a mother?
It is my goal this week to extend myself the same grace and mercy that I believe my God extends to everyone, and not let the opinions of others destroy the confidence of my decisions.
I can’t believe this is my last Cora update before she turns 1! She is so different from Sophie, and I am a different mom than I was with Sophie too. Cora has forced me to stretch and grow in ways i didn’t know I needed.
She has 4 teeth, can crawl and climb, but she isn’t walking yet. She makes up for her lack of walking mobility by climbing the stairs, side tables, and any thing else she can grab on to and hoist herself up. She can say “mama” and “dada” but her vocabulary doesn’t go beyond that, though, she is learning how to shake her head yes and no. She gives kisses, which is by far my favorite development.
Her an Sophie have a classic sister relationship. They play together, share clothes and accessories, but they also fight and get revenge on each other too. They both love Daniel Tiger, so that is the theme that I am preparing to do Cora’s 1st birthday in. It has been such a crazy year, and now that we all feel more attuned to being a family of 4, I think this next year will be filled with more smiles and fond memories than the last.
My kids LOVE blueberries. Honestly, they inhale them. Their little tummies require like three packs per week on top of oranges, apples, bell pepper, and tomatoes. Lucky for them, I don’t really care for blueberries… UNLESS they are in muffin form!
3 cups gluten-free all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
2/3 cup coconut sugar
8 tablespoons olive oil
2 large eggs, at room temperature, separated
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup whole-milk yogurt
1 cup blueberries (frozen is fine)
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Whisk together dry ingredients and set aside. Mix together wet ingredients, and then slowly add the mixture of dry ingredients. I like to do this in my stand mixer on the lowest speed. Scoop the batter into a muffin tin and sprinkle some raw sugar on top! Bake for 15 minutes.
These muffins are delicious and go great with coffee. I am planning on warming some up during a playdate with a couple other moms this week. Let me know if you try them! #BandB on Instagram if you feature them on your account!
This winter hasn’t been as cold or as treacherous as predicted (yet,) but we still haven’t left the house much in the past week. There have been regularly scheduled doctors appointments and grocery runs, but my babies are California girls at heart, and don’t like to be out in the cold long.
Most days have been spent either baking, or watching movies (some times both,) and I have been surprisingly thankful. Usually this season really gets me down. I feel hopelessly homesick, trapped, and isolated. This year I am busy trying to keep an almost 1 year old away from the stairs, while wrestling a 2 year old to try and use the potty. I just haven’t had enough time to really dwell on the weather.
Another factor, I think, is that I have more friends than I’ve ever had. Not that I am “Mrs. Popular” or anything, but since I have become more active and social with my local community of moms I find myself being invited to more play dates, mom nights, and runs to the gym. That is perhaps the single most important part of my mood being boosted, as it’s the one thing I have been missing for the past 5 years: a community of other moms who genuinely care about me.
The next few months are pretty exciting for us! We have a couple birthdays including Cora’s famous 1st birthday…. and we are planning some weekends away with family to make sure we stay out of our winter-time-funk.
What have you been up to, lovely readers? What cheers you up when it’s cold and bleak?